homesick hopes

It's been well over a month of being in Colorado and working at the ranch. 

I am so much more comfortable with the facilities and making my way around, which is awesome! The familiarity I'm gaining here is giving me a little more confidence. 

I have started to get a little homesick, but I have starting meeting more folks who either live in Atlanta or have loved ones there, which helps a little. 

Art stuff: 

I got some leftie art exercise in and I am BACK!! Back to physically altering photographs and experimenting in how I do it. As well as what I'm changing. I'm learning how to mess with Polaroids, both by lifting the emulsion and seeing what heat does to them (which I tried in 2017, but I'm doing it a little differently now). 

The experiment below is from a Polaroid I took about a week after my heart started beating funny. After trimming the borders and blasting it at about 1000 degrees (F), the plastic came off with some emulsion (without me) and left most of my figure on the backing- which was something that was on my mind a lot during that time- what void (if any) would I leave in my environment or on my loved ones, and what did I do to deteriorate so badly (at the time). The image happened to peel off this way, I didn't plan it, but boy what a time to think about my mortality again :') 

Polaroid experiment #2

Not work/art stuff / thoughts: 
I'm practicing being more vulnerable around some of my new friends. I think I have a hard time achieving depth sometimes out of not wanting to make people uncomfortable, but that's going to change I hope! 

I am also trying to figure out the best way to grow so I can help my family.

All in all I feel pretty good. Tired some days, but good tired and like I can handle my own, my emotions and insecurities, and my art much better than I could a few months ago. I'm sure the hot tub is helping lol.